one time i went on a date

no i didn’t

  • me: why are those guys staring at me
  • me: is there something on my face
  • me: is there something on my shirt
  • me: they're probably laughing at how ugly i am
  • me: they probably find it amusing how fat i am
  • friend: maybe they think you're cute
  • me: are you stupid or something
  • guys on the internet: i want a girl with a good taste in music, fun personality, kinda dorky, weird, will go to concerts with me and is an all around good person
  • guys in my area: if the girl got an ass and a rack i'll bang her aye swag swag weed mothafucka swag

Instead of saying do you understand what im saying, try one of theses out:
You smelling what im cooking?
You rocking what im rolling?
You buying what im selling?
You drying what im washing?
You itching what im scratching?
You leasing what im loaning?
You puffing what im passing?
You tugging what im pulling?
You pasteing what im copying?
You sipping what im drinking?
You hitting what im pitching?
You buttering what im toasting
You cashing what im checking?
You catching what im chasing?
You bagging what im scanning?
You scanning what im buying?
You catching what im fishing?
You checking what im spelling?
You sniffing what im scratching?
You smelling what im stepping in?
You ducking what im dodging?
You munching what im crunching?
You sniffing what im spraying?
You beating what im boxing?
You snacking what im packing?

I fucking love Prison Break. Michael Scofield, marry me.

  • mother: you need to stop playing the sims.
  • me: ah fweegah fwaa boobasnot cayoo dis wompf es fredesche